April...

I am so afraid of this month. We have about 5 million things coming at us full speed, and it seems like we have to keep juggling all of them; if we don't actually follow through each-and-every specific thing, we will drown.

And I'm already loosing my steam.

This is your lucky day, where I will now commence to explain the crazy of our life, from least significant to most.

FIRST ON THE LIST: Yes. Chris' lousy knee IS least significant. Don't tell him so.

Chris needs to get surgery. Twice. He started this process about 3 months ago. Chris used to work with several Orthopedic Surgeons. When he first hurt his knee, he went into their office, and they immediately said, "Yep. your ______ (Uh...ACL? Meniscus? I cant remember) is totally gone. Not just torn, but gone. You need surgery." So, off to our PCP he went. Unfortunately, when Chris walked in and told Dr. Incompetent that he just needed to get an appointment for an MRI because his friends (who happen to actually be the ones that do knee surgeries) told him so, Doctor Incompetent essentially shook his head and said, "Nah. You're fine." and sent Chris out the door with a pat on his back. After it still hurt a month later (who'da thunk?), Chris went back, pleading to get an MRI. The Doc reluctantly sent off his request for MRI to the insurance, STATING THAT HE DID NOT THINK IT WAS NECESSARY.

So. Insurance denied the MRI. Because the doctor said he didn't need it. AAARRRGH! Somehow, Chris got approval for our insurance to get a second opinion from an actual orthopedic surgeon. The instant the second (or 4th... if you're really keeping track) doc saw him, he declared, "Young man, you're knee is no longer with us" (not his words. mine), and ordered an MRI. So he could get knee surgery. That he needed a month ago.

And.

The insurance denied it.

Because they still had on record that Doctor Incompetent said it was not necessary.

Are you bored of this story yet? Because I was, before I even started to type it out.

ANYWAY.

Chris appealed to our insurance. Today (miraculously), they overturned their original denial, and the boy is approved to get a blasted MRI. We're waiting to get all the dates lined up: MRI, then surgery. And just praying, wishing, and hoping that it happens BEFORE we move. I mean, nothing worse than a sad surfer living in Bali with a bum knee. That would be oh so tragic.

ON TO THE NEXT PIECE ON THE AGENDA...

Grif. Oh Grif. Getting that boy into our family, and staying, has been one hell of a ride. I worked my tail off, in order to finalize in January. Obviously, that didn't happen, and I have been running full speed ever since. Essentially (he deserves his own 10 posts....when I'm more emotionally/mentally stable, I'll write it allllllll out), we have about four additional steps that materialized last weekend, that have to be completed in order to file for finalization. It seems this has been the "usual" in his case: jump one hurdle, 4 new ones appear. It has been: EXHAUSTING. Emotionally, physically, and, well, very much financially. My mind is spinning on how this is all going to play out. The weeks on my calendar are dissolving in front of me, and it seems there is a mountain left to conquer. There are plenty of what if's, but I'm keeping my focus intently on the target: finalize. Finalize. Finalize! The fact that this HAS TO HAPPEN in a number of weeks (see next paragraph) creeps into my line of vision and I can't help but throw myself on the floor like a two year old and throw a good solid tantrum every once in a while because it's freaking APRIL and we still.have.not.finalized. Awesome.

I keep hearing there is an end in sight, yet the facts prove otherwise.

Remember how we're moving? Across the world? WELL... since our family was going to finalize in January, we figured we would ABSOLUTELY have everything together by the end of May: we would finalize, then apply for a reissued birth certificate, social security card, passport, and visa. No doubt we could wrap that all up in four months. WELL. I don't know if you've heard, but we didn't finalize in January. Or February. Or March. And it sure as hell (my New Years resolution has been to pick up swearing. I've been working really hard, and I almost successfully have this down pat! My mother is rolling her eyes right now. Hi Mom!) doesn't look like we'll finalize in April. So, that four month window?? Ya, that was for AFTER we finalize...which hasn't even happened yet....

ARGH! So much rambling. What all of the above paragraphs were supposed to say, was this: Chris is moving at the end of May. To Bali. Ya know, to start his job and stuff. I, on the other hand, am not. Our little baby G can't leave the country until all aforementioned things are complete. So, we are crossing all fingers, toes, and gathering up all the magic that there possibly could be, and praying with all our hearts that we WILL finalize before the end of May, so that Chris can still leave. Then, I will stay behind to complete all the other tasks in order to get the babe legal to leave the country---whenever that may be. Really people, it could be months. We. Don't. Know. And that is all considering that we DO finalize before the end of May. Do not ask me what we will do if we don't finalize by then. Don't ask me. Mentally, that idea can not exist on my radar.

So, where will I be going?? We tossed around the idea of me running away to Hawaii, where I left my heart a couple years ago. That, my friends, is where I feel like my soul resides. But, the great land of Zion has called, and I have answered! Turns out, I can pay for a whole summer of rent, for what I pay to live in 'da OC. So, I'm out. We gave our thirty day notice, and over this next month of insanity, we are going to sell away the majority of our lives, and store away the minimal. Chris thinks we're moving to Bali with the clothes on our back, but I find that to be a hysterical joke. So, I am trying to figure out the best way to disguise my luggage as things that "I absolutely neeeeeed" and whatever lays there in, is going with me to Utah to wait out our purgatory of never ending waiting.

We have found a little place to sub-lease for the summer. We will all be together in May. At some point in time (with our luck, it will all be on the EXACT SAME WEEKEND), we will head back to the Golden State and do the following: finalize our adoption in court, get sealed in the Newport Beach temple as a family (you're invited!!), Chris will graduate from his Masters of Science Program in Kinesiology with an emphasis in Sport Performance and Psychology (it's not made up. I promise), I will graduate from my Associates of Science Program in Psychology with an emphasis in being awesome, Chris will get those blasted surgeries, and I will drive back to Utah as a single Mom of four handsome little men, on the prowl... I kid, I kid. Not on the prowl (Mom stop rolling your eyes!) I am actually very excited about living near lots of Aunties and Uncles that my boys adore, while I wait out our existence in the U.S.A. Since I plan on living at Seven Peaks, I hope my children will learn a lot of life lessons this summer; I'm not sure what any would be at this moment.

OH, and before anyone leaves this continent, we have to start the process for our new adoption, or we will be out of luck, ya know, living in a third world country and all. I want to talk about all this for a minute: The idea of going through another adoption process right now, makes me want to burn my eyeballs with hot coals, snuggle with a cactus, saw off my limbs, and be licked by dogs. I would rather do all of those, then look down the road that is adoption. Adoption is.... grueling. It pulls, stretches, aches, and rips me to shreds. And I would go to hell and back for any of my sons!! Which is what the process of adoption is. So, to hell I must go.

Honestly, I really, really, really wanted to write this post for me. Because where I'm sitting, this summer seems like it's full of numerous impossibles that just absolutely need to come together. We need to finish these four big steps in our adoption that are each individually time consuming---and in a matter of weeks; each step needs to get approved seamlessly. We need to get assigned a court date before the end of May. We need to pack up our house, and find new renters. We need to get that Chris guy a new knee. We need to make it to Utah, then back to California. We need to both graduate from our distinguished educational institutions. We need to finalize, get sealed, bless the baby, and have a good bye party. We need to start the paper chase for our next adoption. Chris needs to get to Bali. We need to get all of Grif's documents, and I need to wing it this Summer.

This novel long post was essential: I'm trying to visualize myself at the end of this, still alive.