Chris got off work early today.

It was perfect. We packed up the boyzzz and headed off for an adventure. Some where along the way, we searched for "beast-essss-es" (beasts), running around in some field, while Hugh face planted it every few strides; had impromptu dance parties in the car; J decided he needed to pee, (my mom hates that word...what word do you use??? I'd like to know) and proceeded to do so in the middle of the grass, while I quickly prompted Chris to just look away, pretending like we don't see him ---ah hem, white trash--- because the bathroom was just no where in sight; played baseball until the sun started to set; and just played, played, played, while the boys stalled for bedtime.

We all laughed together, and I breathed in our beautiful life. I felt so content. I plopped down on the couch next to best friend, after our boyzzz (J taught me how to say "boys the right way") were sent off to dreamland. I couldn't wipe the ridiculous smile off my face.

I took my first steps by myself last weekend.

I held my boys in my arms today.

Wow.

Let me restate that. I HELD MY BOYS IN MY ARMS TODAY. Something I was no where physically capable of doing, even just days ago. I don't know who enjoyed it more, me or my boys. Due to my back complications, I haven't been much good to anyone in our family. True story. I haven't been able to do much besides move from point A to point B, without feeling like my back was going to rip in half.I was made fully aware of how long my recovery would be before we even left the hospital, but it hasn't made the mental toll any easier.

Over these past few months, I kept warning my sweet husband, usually after a day of feeling totally defeated by my mechanically dysfunctional body, that I was going to come back; and holy smokes, tonight I believed it! I felt ME slowly creeping back into my life. These last few months broke a part of me; it made me slightly go out of my mind, wanting, wishing, hoping, waiting to be ME again: The person who took joy in taking care of her family, played with her babies all day long, searching for beasts, dealing with peeing in public, laughing, and loving. Cuddling. Holding.

I finally believe it: I'm on the mend. Every day I'm capable of moving a little more, and my heart rejoices leaps and bounds. I'm grateful for this broken body, that is working so hard to bring ME back. I want to shout for joy! I am so grateful for a patient family, who have waited for me to come back. I owe them my everything.

I'm coming back people.

I'm coming back.

And not a moment too soon.

Holding my boys never felt so good.