Where I am, is where I am supposed to be.

Some days, I really feel like a Mom. Some days, I really feel like I'm babysitting.

Today was a Mom day.

I knew I was in the right place. At the right time. Doing exactly what I should be doing. And it felt great.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I even left the house at all today. I'm sure I didn't take a shower. Or get dressed. I stink, and my hair is a mess.

But I am so happy.

My babies are fed, warm, clean, and tucked into their beds. They know their Mom loves them.

This week was supposed to be my week back to school. I had it all planned, and I was so very excited, looking forward to finally getting a few more classes under my belt. I had planned well, and organized all things in order to hit the ground running.

Once it was time to head out the door, I felt a soft reminder. "Just wait." and so I did. I stalled while I finish cleaning up from dinner. I stalled while rocking my baby. I stalled while I watched the man of my dreams lay in bed with J, telling him "one more story". I stalled while I made that same man cuddle with me and tell me all his wildest dreams.

And then it was too late.

And I didn't feel bad! Eventually it got too late to make it to that one class. I figured I had two more planned later in the week, so all was well. The next day, the time came for me to leave my family once again, and the thought changed to, "I will wait." And I lingered once again.

Tonight was my last shot to attend the third class I had registered for. When J crawled into our bed this morning, burning up, I knew instantly where I needed to be tonight at 6:00 PM.

And I was there.

As his chest strained with every breath he took, I held him close, taking deep, slow breaths, wishing his body could do the same. I stroke his hair, and swept the blond strands off his sweat stained forehead. I held his hand, and whispered, "I got you my boy... I got you." and he slowly drifted off to dreamland.

Later Chris bathed Hugh.As he turned the corner to bring him to me, his eyes lit up, and his legs started kicking, and arms flailing, "Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!" with his huge round cheeks yelling to be kissed, his arms reached for me, as if reuniting after years of being a part, although it had been mere moments. As I fed him his last meal of the day, our eyes locked the entire time. This time, our breath synchronizing. I stroke my other sons hair now. I held his hand, and whispered, "I got you my boy... I got you."

I feel like there is so much in life that defines you.

And tonight, I am a stay at home mother.

And I win.