Home Sweet Home

There just is something about being home... Where ever "home" is to you, I know you know the feeling. When we were leaving San Diego, we felt really bad, like our trip was too fast. But, passing out in my bed when we got home last night, I felt like it had been far too long.

I love Hawaii. I really do. We aren't one of those people itching to get off this rock. I always have loved living here, but it's always leaving, that makes me remember what a special place we really live in. I'm not just talking Oahu, either; I'm talking Laie, the North Shore, the whole bit. I love it here. It seems like I have been battling Chris since we met, whether or not we would eventually set up camp forever here, or not. Now, more than ever, I'm even more confused.

First, let me explain the pros. I LOVE THIS PLACE. This is the exact kind of atmosphere we want to raise our kids in. I love the aloha spirit up here. I love the community, and so many friends we have made out here. I love the "small town" feel it has, compared to downtown. I want my kids to be raised with the same values, I believe are instilled in kids here. I love that people don't care about the worldly things here, but they care about the relationships they make, and the people they are. You don't have to drive the nicest car on the block, or have the fanciest yard. Maybe I have become a lot more white-trash, but gosh, I just love it.

I was surprised to find in myself the true love I have for the ocean. I know... Who would have known, right? If anyone knows Chris, they know he loves the ocean. It's just in his soul---in his blood. I have never really felt super obsessed with anything in my life, the way he is with the ocean. I always thought it was kind of silly, or not realistic, to expect to always live by some form of water. For me, I am a lot less high maintenance, and feel I could live virtually anywhere, and be satisfied. However, this trip, I realized how much I really want the Ocean to be a part of my family life. This may sound weird, I get it, but it was a big breakthrew for me. I've basically always murmured about this subject, and now I am in complete agreeance with Chris. My J-man LOVES to water. He runs full speed into the ocean, without looking back. I want that love to always be apart of him.

So, that brings me to the point about San Diego. I have realized, more than ever, that I never want to live in San Diego County (GASP! I KNOW!!), for no other reason, except it doesn't feel like home to me. I know that plenty of people are going to freak out reading that, but it's ok. It's a great place, and I love visiting, but I just don't see us ever living there. And that, is also a big break through for me. I guess I always assumed we would end up back in that area, because I wasn't so sure about Hawaii, and I guess in my head it was either San Diego, or Hawaii. Now that San Diego is ruled out (again, don't hate. It's just my opinion...), I feel like I'm back at square one. It sort of bummed me out that I really DO NOT want to live in San Diego. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I just had this overwhelming feeling. This is a big deal for me... Since we got married, we have been saving our pretty pennies, and were planning on buying a place out there, at the end of this year, with the market being in our favor. Now, like I said, I'm back at square one.

If you can't tell, I'm the stress-er in the family. Chris is so much more laid back, and takes life as it comes. We really try to, as a family, "LIVE NOW", and I do... However, my mind is always racing, never ending , and just keeps going and going. It's always reeling, trying to figure out future plans, etc.

Where to? Where to?? Back to the whole Laie thing... Like I said, I love it here. I truly do. But there are cons. The things that worry me, are not the lack of shopping, the lack of places to eat out, the lack of entertainment... No, no. I am fine with all of those things. The whole traveling a minimu of 5+ hours on a plane to get to see any friends/family, really just jerks me. J has been on some 23 flights since he was born. Can we really keep that up? Right now he is free. In a measley 11 months, he won't be any longer. I plan on having a heap of children. This concerns me, because I want my family to know my family. But how can I achieve that living on a rock in the middle of the Pacific? Of course, we are all aware of the quite-unaffordable-housing that exists here too. Sigh. How to do it??

I guess it comes down to this: living in paradise with my own family, in a place that we adore, but never leaving. Ever. Because we can't afford to take all 500 of my children I plan on having. Or up-rooting us to the mainland, to some other California town, outside of San Diego. I'm thinking something just north of LA county. What's up there anyway?? No idea.

I'm on a search for the perfect place, and I won't stop until I find it. I guess it's good we have at least 3 more years to figure it out, before Chris finishes med school.... Sigh. Wish me luck.