On my mind

Long week.

I am a fairly emotional person to begin with. Add a growing human inside of me, and the extent of my emotions bubbling over, are almost too much. I don't get mean. No, I just cry. Over most things. Not just bad things either, but good things even more!

This last week, one of our students in the Hales (dorms) died. When I heard the news it took every bone in my body to not break down in front of the President of Student Life who was standing at my door step informing me on the subject. I just tried not to talk much, and eventually he left. I think it was .03 seconds after he left the floodworks began. I ran to Chris, who of course had no idea what was going on and told him what I just found out.

I can't quite describe to you what being a dorm parent is like. It's not just a job. You know how the Relief Society President stands up on Fast Sunday, and always says, "I love each and every one of you," well, I always have thought, "Oh gosh. Ya right." And don't be too taken back, I'm sure you have thought the same thing too... Well, once I became a dorm parent, I realized the overflowing amount of love you actually do have for each person you responsible for; wheter you know them personally, or not.

Some of my girls are naughty. I just want go to ground them, and send them to their rooms; never to be let out! Or, at least not until they put some dang clothes on, and stop making out with your boyfriend in the courtyard!! But really, even the naughty girls you can't help but love. It's unexplainable. You would just have to ask Mom Jenelle to really understand it.

So, to find out that one of "our kids" died, is just hear wrenching. I did not know him. I never met him personally, but I felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I thought of the Hale Mom, and how I would feel if that happened to one of mine. I thought of the roommates, friends, co-workers. But most of all, I thought of his family.

I could never comprehend the amount of love I would have for my son. Ever. It's more then the word LOVE could ever really encompass. There should be some other word for it. I love him like I love my right arm--he is such a apart of me, I can't ever imagine him not being. And this new life growing... I have so much I want to teach my children, to show them, to love them, to hold them. I can't understand the heart of a Mother, being told their child is no longer with them on this Earth.

So, for lack of far better words, this is all I wanted to tell that mother:

Sister Warren,

As a mother, all I can say is thank you for loving your son. I do not know you, but I know you loved him, because you are his mother. And that is a beautiful thing.

I held my baby boy longer today. When I put him down for his nap, I actually stayed in his room and just watched him sleep. He's not so much a baby anymore, really. He is almost one; but he will always be my baby. I understand that now, why mom's think that way. I couldn't get enough of him. I never wanted to let him go. I thought of all the things I would tell him if these were last moments. My mind couldn't wrap itself around the idea. Instead, I just sat and let the tears roll down my cheeks as I watched him peaceful in his crib. I am so grateful Heavenly Father let me be his mother today.

I did not know your son. Vicariously, by him living in the dorms, he owned a part of my heart, as each resident does. Our kids leave your home, and come to ours. He was lucky enough to have 6 Hale Moms who loved him, whether we knew him or not. I do not pretend to know what you are going through, or even try to understand. I simply want you to know there were many who had just a little piece of their heart break for your loss, and that alone hurt. I can't imagine having my whole heart break.

I read this and thought of you:

'What Is This Thing That Men Call Death'By President Gordon B. Hinckley
What is this thing that men call death,
This quiet passing in the night?
'Tis not the end, but genesis
Of better worlds and greater light.


O God, touch thou my aching heart,
And calm my troubled, haunting fears.
Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure,
Give strength and peace beyond my tears.


There is no death, but only change,
With recompense for vict'ry won.
The gift of him who loved all men,
The Son of God, the Holy One.

I hope your days become brighter, and you feel like the pain gets better. I'm sure it will never leave you fully, but I just pray it will get better. I don't want to tell you all the things you are sick of hearing, so I will keep this short. I'm sure you miss hugging him, but I hear Heavenly Father gives great hugs...

Sincerely,
ReBecca Taylor
"Mom Taylor"