I have a talent.

Sticking my foot in my mouth.

Not literally. That would be sick. I guess if it really came down to it, I could literally stick my foot in my mouth, but that is sick. And, that's not what I am talking about. I'm talking about my talent of always saying stuff that in my head sounds totally normal. Even once I say it, it sounds normal. It's afterwards, that I look at the situation and realize, "Wow. Great one. You idiot."

For example: Chris and I were back in the land of San Diego County for Christmas this last year (was it Christmas??... Hmm... now I can't exactly remember... either way, moving on). Chris grew up with a really tight knit group of friends. They are, still to this day, each others b-f-f-'s. I find it rather impressive. Anyway, whenever there are more than three of these boys in the same location, at the same time, they put together some form of a band (generally using quite odd things they found in their mother's basement as instruments), and eventually have some kind of "show" to showcase their talents. At this specific event, there was this girl there, that I know hates my guts. A matter of fact, this said girl was also with her sister, that also just so happen to hate my stinkin' guts. Let's just say it's a general family hatred towards me.

Anyway, I actually debated through out the night whether to acknowledge their existence or not-- there was no way they were going to be acknowledging mine, so we could just walk away from this evening pretending we just so happened to never see each other. Then, I realized we were all sitting in the same front room, and there couldn't have been more then 30 people there. How silly to act like children. Yes? So, immediately after the show was over, I went up to said girl and said sister, and gave her a hug. I congratulated her on her new marriage. Nice, right? Well, trying to shoot the breeze (you know, it's pretty hard when you are talking to a stone wall that wants to stab your eyes out), I asked, "So, what's your husbands' name, again? Charles? Charlie?" (I obviously changed the names for this story, because we don't want to worsen the situation. But, you get the idea) just trying to shoot the breeze. I felt a cold glare, when she curtly said, "Chuck. He goes by Chuck." Oh. Whoops. I said the wrong nick name. No harm done, right?

Then, as we were speaking, said Chuck (NOT Charles or Charlie, mind you) walks up. I had never met him before, but had heard he was a great artist! I, of course, try to shoot the breeze with him, since his wife would obviously rather die than speak with me. I introduce myself, when he says, "Yes, I know who you are," well of course you do. I'm sure your sweet wife told you ALL about my evil ways---let it go. "Oh, so I hear you are an artist!" "Yes I am," he was actually a very nice gentleman. "Ah, that's great! Rough life, eh?" That's when the second set of imaginary daggers gouged out my eyes, as he awkwardly stood there, "Ummm...well....uhhh,"

NO NO NO. THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT! I did NOT mean "Oh you are an artist, you must be so stinkin' poor you can't put food on the table!!" I had never even thought of that. On the contrary, I had only heard good things about his work, I was trying to compliment him, on doing something he loved, and being remarkable at it!! People use that phrase sarcastically all the time don't they: "Oh you live in Hawaii? Rough life, eh?" or, "Oh you get to work from home, rough life, eh?" You get what I'm trying to say, don't you?? Or was I really that big of an idiot to say that. Oh gosh. Why couldn't I simply have said what I was trying to say, "I think that's great you get to do what you want to do!" I guess the quote: Mean what you say, or say what you mean really could have come in handy that night, if my brain would have thought ahead of time.

Of course, there isn't much you can say, or do, in a situation like that. Trying to dig myself out of the grave just got worse. I mumbled something like, "Oh no... I meant... like... it's cool you get to do what you love..." GOSH YOU FREAKING IDIOT WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SAY STUPID STUFF LIKE THAT. I was kicking myself in the face at this point, majorly. I only had intentions to make the water under the bridge seem more like water, and less of a monsoon with these people. It didn't go over so well. He, being the gentleman he was, just matter-of-factly-said, "Well, it was nice meeting you. I need to show my wife the bathroom..." and that was that.

Let's of course not forget the name mix-up, either. Simply calling someone Charlie instead of Chuck doesn't seem like a horrible thing to do, right? Well, in my case, of course, WRONG! As I related both stories later on to my husband and brother-in-law, they both just stared at me. Chris started laughing, and Andy said, "I guess you just don't mesh with those people..." I was dumb founded "What do you mean not mesh well?? I have never just not meshed well with someone" as he laughed out loud, too. I obviously wasn't getting it. They explained to me, how that actually was an offensive thing to say.

This might get confusing (and immature)-- so hold on. You see, said angry girl actually dated a guy named "Charles" before she married her current husband "Charles". Her ex-Charles actually went by Charlie. Her current-Charles goes by Chuck. So, apparently, by me trying to compare the two, as having the same name, was some how demeaning and rude. Without going into too much detail, needless to say, said angry girl thought she was going to marry Charlie. She was rather convinced of it. Only problem was, he wasn't. He ended up leaving her broken hearted. So, again, saying her current Charles had the same name as the previous owners name, came off offensive (EVEN THOUGH IT IS THE SAME NAME!!! Sigh). It was some what of a jab, I suppose. Are you confused? I'm confused. Of course, at the moment, was I thinking of all of this? No. I simply was trying to shoot the breeze.

Well, that's what I get for being an idiot. I have plenty more prime examples of me sticking my foot in my mouth, but this lone example took way longer then I entended to explain, so this will have to suffice. My days of trying to make emends came to a screaming halt, when I added salt to the wounds. I guess we better be more careful when trying to get people to not hate you us much... Gosh dangit, just remember what their husband goes by, don't insult their spouses career, and just say what you mean to say.